I was watching a [Sevilla](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sevilla_FC) match recently, and was inspired by [Duscher](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldo_Duscher) (pronounced Douché!) to list some funny footballer names.The rules are simple: The footballer must have a Wikipedia entry, and his name must be funny for a 12-year old English speaker to say out loud.
Andre [Arshavin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Arshavin), who, appropriately, plays for ARSEnal. Good thing he’s Russian, ’cause with a name like Arse-Shavin’, he would have had a horrible childhood in England. This guy must be on any list of funny soccer names.
[Kaká](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaká) is only funny in English, ’cause if you speak Portuguese or some other language that uses accents, Kaká sounds different than Kaka. But hey, Kaká is still a funny name. It’s short for Ricardo.
Stefan [Kuntz](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Kuntz) is another footballer who would not have survived a childhood in an English-speaking country without psychological trauma. The German footballer is now a sporting director for [VfL Bochum](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VfL_Bochum).
Milan [Fuckal](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Fukal) is a Czech Footballer who plays for Austrian team [Kapfenberger SV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kapfenberger_SV), which is also a funny team name. So what does he contribute to his team’s performance? Fukal.
Tee Hee Hee! [Uwe Fuchs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Fuchs) is a German footballer who now manages [Wuppertaler SV Borussia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wuppertaler_SV_Borussia). He did play in England for a couple of teams in the mid-90s. Imagine the chants!
Finally, [Bernt Haas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernt_Haas) is a Swiss footballer who currently plays for [FC St. Gallen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FC_St._Gallen). He also spent a couple of years in England with West Brom. I guess the constant giggling over his name finally got to him and he moved back to Switzerland.
I wonder if the fans chant “Chung Yoo Suk!” when he is on the field? I couldn’t find a photo of Chung Yoo Suk. So I couldn’t include him on the list. Too bad. What an awesome name.
Francisco Arce, a Paraguayan footballer, is also known as Chiqui Arce. While it’s a really funny name, the wikipedia page doesn’t mention his nickname, so he’s stuck in the honourable mention list. Besides, I think he recently retired.
I couldn’t find a good photo of Christ Bongo. A Google Images search of that term just turns up photos of Rastafarians playing bongos.