10 Great Football Names

football Oct 25, 2009
I was watching a [Sevilla](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sevilla_FC) match recently, and was inspired by [Duscher](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldo_Duscher) (pronounced Douché!) to list some funny footballer names.The rules are simple: The footballer must have a Wikipedia entry, and his name must be funny for a 12-year old English speaker to say out loud.
[![Aldo Duscher](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/duscher-150x200-150x150.jpg "Aldo Duscher")](http://themainframe.ca/2009/10/25/10-great-football-names/)Aldo Duscher
So here they are:
[![Aldo Duscher](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/duscher-150x200.jpg "Aldo Duscher")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldo_Duscher)Aldo Duscher
  Aldo [Duscher](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldo_Duscher), currently plays for Sevilla FC. This is the *Duscher* who started my quest to find giggly footballer names.
[![Andrei Arshavin](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/arseshaving-150x200.jpg "arseshaving-150x200")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Arshavin)Andrei Arshavin
  Andre [Arshavin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Arshavin), who, appropriately, plays for ARSEnal. Good thing he’s Russian, ’cause with a name like Arse-Shavin’, he would have had a horrible childhood in England. This guy must be on any list of funny soccer names.
[![Nicolas Douchez](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/nicolas-douchez-150x200.jpg "Nicolas Douchez")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolas_Douchez)Nicolas Douchez
  Yes, another [Douchez](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolas_Douchez). This Douchez is French. Another funny footballer name for sure. Douchez! Douchez! Douchez!
[![Kaká](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/kaka-200x127.jpg "Kaká")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaká)Kaká
  [Kaká](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaká) is only funny in English, ’cause if you speak Portuguese or some other language that uses accents, Kaká sounds different than Kaka. But hey, Kaká is still a funny name. It’s short for Ricardo.
[![Stefan Kuntz](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/kuntz-150x200.jpg "Stefan Kuntz")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Kuntz)Stefan Kuntz
  Stefan [Kuntz](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Kuntz) is another footballer who would not have survived a childhood in an English-speaking country without psychological trauma. The German footballer is now a sporting director for [VfL Bochum](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VfL_Bochum).
[![Rafael Scheidt](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/scheidt-150x200.jpg "Rafael Scheidt")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rafael_Scheidt)Rafael Scheidt
  Rafael [Scheidt](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rafael_Scheidt) is an obvious funny name, even if you mispronounce it. Maybe it’s funnier with a German accent.
[![Milan Fukal](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/fuckall-271x200.jpg "Milan Fukal")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Fukal)Milan Fukal
  Milan [Fuckal](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Fukal) is a Czech Footballer who plays for Austrian team [Kapfenberger SV](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kapfenberger_SV), which is also a funny team name. So what does he contribute to his team’s performance? Fukal.
[![Brian Pinas](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/pinas-150x200.jpg "Brian Pinas")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Pinas)Brian Pinas
  Brian [Pinas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Pinas). Teeheehee. Pinas! You can imagine the nicknames this Dutch footballer would have had on an English-speaking team.
[![Uwe Fuchs](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/uwe-fuchs-302x200.jpg "Uwe Fuchs")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Fuchs)Uwe Fuchs
  Tee Hee Hee! [Uwe Fuchs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Fuchs) is a German footballer who now manages [Wuppertaler SV Borussia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wuppertaler_SV_Borussia). He did play in England for a couple of teams in the mid-90s. Imagine the chants!
[![Bernt Haas](http://themainframe.ca/content/images/2009/10/bernt-haas-195x200.jpg "Bernt Haas")](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernt_Haas)Bernt Haas
  Finally, [Bernt Haas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernt_Haas) is a Swiss footballer who currently plays for [FC St. Gallen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FC_St._Gallen). He also spent a couple of years in England with West Brom. I guess the constant giggling over his name finally got to him and he moved back to Switzerland.
  • I wonder if the fans chant “Chung Yoo Suk!” when he is on the field? I couldn’t find a photo of Chung Yoo Suk. So I couldn’t include him on the list. Too bad. What an awesome name.
  • Francisco Arce, a Paraguayan footballer, is also known as Chiqui Arce. While it’s a really funny name, the wikipedia page doesn’t mention his nickname, so he’s stuck in the honourable mention list. Besides, I think he recently retired.
  • I couldn’t find a good photo of Christ Bongo. A Google Images search of that term just turns up photos of Rastafarians playing bongos.


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