10 Great Football Names
| I was watching a Sevilla match recently, and was inspired by Duscher (pronounced Douché!) to list some funny footballer names.
The rules are simple: The footballer must have a Wikipedia entry, and his name must be funny for a 12-year old English speaker to say out loud. |
 Aldo Duscher |
So here they are:
 Aldo Duscher Aldo Duscher, currently plays for Sevilla FC. This is the Duscher who started my quest to find giggly footballer names. |
 Andrei Arshavin Andre Arshavin, who, appropriately, plays for ARSEnal. Good thing he’s Russian, ’cause with a name like Arse-Shavin’, he would have had a horrible childhood in England. This guy must be on any list of funny soccer names. |
 Nicolas Douchez Yes, another Douchez. This Douchez is French. Another funny footballer name for sure. Douchez! Douchez! Douchez! |
 Kaká Kaká is only funny in English, ’cause if you speak Portuguese or some other language that uses accents, Kaká sounds different than Kaka. But hey, Kaká is still a funny name. It’s short for Ricardo. |
 Stefan Kuntz Stefan Kuntz is another footballer who would not have survived a childhood in an English-speaking country without psychological trauma. The German footballer is now a sporting director for VfL Bochum. |
 Rafael Scheidt Rafael Scheidt is an obvious funny name, even if you mispronounce it. Maybe it’s funnier with a German accent. |
 Milan Fukal Milan Fuckal is a Czech Footballer who plays for Austrian team Kapfenberger SV, which is also a funny team name. So what does he contribute to his team’s performance? Fukal. |
 Brian Pinas Brian Pinas. Teeheehee. Pinas! You can imagine the nicknames this Dutch footballer would have had on an English-speaking team. |
 Uwe Fuchs Tee Hee Hee! Uwe Fuchs is a German footballer who now manages Wuppertaler SV Borussia. He did play in England for a couple of teams in the mid-90s. Imagine the chants! |
 Bernt Haas Finally, Bernt Haas is a Swiss footballer who currently plays for FC St. Gallen. He also spent a couple of years in England with West Brom. I guess the constant giggling over his name finally got to him and he moved back to Switzerland. |
Others:
- I wonder if the fans chant “Chung Yoo Suk!” when he is on the field? I couldn’t find a photo of Chung Yoo Suk. So I couldn’t include him on the list. Too bad. What an awesome name.
- Francisco Arce, a Paraguayan footballer, is also known as Chiqui Arce. While it’s a really funny name, the wikipedia page doesn’t mention his nickname, so he’s stuck in the honourable mention list. Besides, I think he recently retired.
- I couldn’t find a good photo of Christ Bongo. A Google Images search of that term just turns up photos of Rastafarians playing bongos.
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